


Wenn das Orakel Spricht

by Daegaer



Category: Weiss Kreuz
Genre: Animals, Assassins, Crack, Gen, Humour, Transformation, krakenorakel, pre-cogtopi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-13
Updated: 2010-09-13
Packaged: 2017-10-11 18:38:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/115654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daegaer/pseuds/Daegaer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Schwarz have a change of pace. And form.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wenn das Orakel Spricht

**Author's Note:**

> I found out that Paul the Psychic Octopus is known as the Krakenorakel in Germany. This word gives me great joy. The title is from a line in the Die Prinzen song, "Alles Schwarz".

The world's cameras focused on the tank where one small octopus dithered, very slowly, between the plump, delicious mussel in the box emblazoned with Germany's flag and the one in the box emblazoned with Spain's. One suckered tentacle slowly reached towards the German box and withdrew as the reporters all gasped and jostled to see the proceedings more clearly.

 _Make your mind up_ , Schuldig sniped. _Some of us have better things to do, you know._

"Like?" Crawford said. At least he thought he said it, which was all that counted as far as Schuldig was concerned. "I have few distractions, so pardon me for trying to get the most out of this. I must apologise if I've interrupted your tightly-packed schedule of letting the tide wash over you twice a day."

 _This is humiliating. Just pick a damn box!_

"Do you even have the capacity to be humiliated, and if so, when did you develop it?" Crawford asked, pausing and tapping three tentacles against a stone. Cameras flashed and he inadvertently changed colour. "You're a goddam colony of mussels, how can you be _embarrassed?_ "

 _Screw you. Screw your "Oh, let's go up against our demon-summoning masters, what could_ possibly _go wrong?" and screw FIFA. What the hell do_ you _know about soccer? Choose. A. Box._

Crawford laughed. He stopped immediately as it felt bizarre and uncomfortable in a small, rubbery body, and besides the undulations of his tentacles made it seem he was more amused than he actually was. He swam over to the boxes, and, just because he knew it would really, _really_ irritate Schuldig, climbed into the box with the Spanish flag.

 _Spain? You've got to be kidding -_

Crawford wrenched the mussel open and slurped down its sweet, juicy meat.

 _\- me_ , Schuldig finished, in a voice very slightly quieter than before.

"I wonder how many more of your constituent parts I'll have to eat before you'll effectively have a lobotomy?" Crawford mused, bowing for the cameras. The reporters tapped on the glass and laughed as he instinctively drew back from the flashes.

 _Why don't you piss off and ink yourself in fright again? That was_ hilarious.

"Oh, shut _up!_ I hate you both!" Nagi squawked from where he circled overhead, and dived suddenly into the tank, catching up the other mussel in his beak before swimming sedately on the surface as he swallowed it. The reporters cheered and took pictures of the "patriotic seagull".

"Honestly, Nagi, if you'd wanted to be on the _and finally_ section of the news, you could have just told us," Crawford said.

Nagi turned his head and looked down with one wicked, yellow-ringed eye. "Don't think I won't eat you too," he said. "I liked raw fish even before I became a marine animal."

"Technically I'm not a fish –"

Nagi made a sound that would have been more at home coming from a moderately enraged leopard than a juvenile herring gull. Crawford withdrew quickly, squeezing his body between the cracks in the rocks at the side of the tank and peering out distrustfully. Nagi would probably wait for him to emerge, thinking his currently tiny brain would lack the concentration to hide for long. _Too bad, Nagi,_ he thought. _Octopi are extremely intelligent._

 _So says the man who was going to rule the world. Nagi! He's under the rocks in the left-hand corner!_

"He's got to come out some time," Nagi said implacably, swimming around and around.

The small sea cucumber endlessly inching its way around the bottom of the tank wished it still had a head to shake disparagingly. On the other hand, Farfarello mused, filter feeding was remarkably relaxing, especially when he thought of it as murdering thousands upon thousands of organisms for every meal.


End file.
